Author Brenda O’Quin
During the past 30 years, Brenda worked with high-risk juveniles, co-victims of homicide, managed Department of Justice Grants, and provided education to law enforcement, media, nonprofit organizations, educators, and the community regarding victim services and the prevention of violence.
As one of the first community advocates for the Tarrant County Advocate Program, she assisted high-risk juveniles in the Tarrant County Juvenile Justice system to access services.
Victim service programs were nonexistent in Texas prior to 1995. Many services were offered to offenders, but not to victims of crime. Ironically, change began to occur after the tragic murder of her 17-year-old son and his 16-year-old friend. Brenda found great support and guidance from the Parents of Murdered Children (POMC). She then became a National Board Member of POMC and founded the North Texas Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children.
She organized court accompaniment, remembrance programs, and education for adult co-victims, who were later able to reach out and continue providing support for others.
She encouraged and facilitated support groups to help traumatized children and teens in elementary, middle, and high school who knew or had a loved one murdered.
Brenda was instrumental in providing Victim Services media education to newspaper reporters, editors, and publishers, including the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Dallas Morning News, and the Southwest Newspaper Publishers Association Conference held in Greenbriar, North Carolina.
She worked at One Safe Place from its inception in 2004 until 2017, as Director of Training, Education and Special Projects, including The Imagine No Violence Art Contest, which grew to 54,000 Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex art students participating.
She managed Department of Justice Grants totaling over $1.5 million and organized eight National Gang and Stop the Violence Conferences, which included training by Metropolitan Police (Scotland Yard), FBI Terrorism Experts, Criminal Profilers, and victim service specialists. Each conference included two keynote luncheons and over forty workshops annually.
Brenda also organized a National Conference for Parents of Murdered Children with over 450 co-victims attending.
She also presented Criminal Justice Classes and Journalism Classes at University of Texas at Arlington (UTA), Texas Christian University (TCU), Texas Wesleyan University, and Tarrant County College (TCC).
After 2017, she worked as Manager of Community Outreach for the Shaken Baby Alliance, supporting child abuse prevention, establishing the SBA Advisory Council, and coordinating special events, marketing, and learning opportunities for agencies and support staff.
Brenda currently serves on the board for Cheryl’s Voice, supporting domestic violence survivors and delivering training and education to service providers and communities.
Brenda’s awards include:
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Ellen Halbert Award for outstanding service to victims of crime
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Star Award – Texas Corrections Association
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William G. Faching Award – American Association of Probation and Parole
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Santa Fe Youth Service Community Hero Award
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U.S. Attorney’s Office Special Recognition Award
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Without You We Would Not Be Award – Santa Fe Youth Services
When she retired in 2022, she focused on writing “Beyond the Abyss” to help co-victims cope with the traumatic aftermath of homicide. This trauma impacts a wide range of individuals and professionals, including co-victims, families, first responders, media, clergy, healthcare workers, social workers, funeral homes, and justice system personnel. The need for understanding is tremendous.
Chapter Excerpt
Excerpts from Chapter One:
“Life was perfect. Then it wasn’t. Nothing dropkicks you into the Abyss like the murder of your child. Spiraling out of control, life becomes divided into two parts: the before and after. Before was when life was full of kids, school activities, family dinners, vacations, and holidays filled with laughter and good times.* The after** is the dark hole of despair – the Abyss – filled with rage fueled by criminal trials, insensitive media, and inconsiderate remarks by people who don’t understand. But the journey back from the Abyss, even though long and treacherous, results in an inner strength, a determination that didn’t exist before…”
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“…During my journey, I met some of the most loving, caring, and gentle souls, who guided us through the maze of grief and back to a world where the grass still grows, and the sun still rises. Their words healed hearts, and, in some cases, saved lives. There is a magical connection forged in the Abyss; a friendship of broken people that is unexplainable. Even after all these years, I still value friendships made during this journey.
This is how a friendship with Dr. Al Valdez from the University of California in Irvine developed over the years. When we met, neither knew that the other was on their respective journey, but there was a subconscious knowledge or connection felt but not consciously understood.
I was on the staff at One Safe Place, a Family Justice Center, when we organized a Stop the Violence Conference several years ago. Al spoke at our first conference and continued to speak for the next few years. As we got to know each other, we talked about histories, and I told him about my son’s murder and my journey. He talked about what happened to his son who was an Army Combat Engineer and who was shot in the head by a gang member. Al was a gang investigator for years and published numerous books about gang intelligence and activity.
I cannot fathom the anger resulting from such a tragedy. How do you get past the fact that you’ve spent your life fighting criminal street gangs only to have your son become a victim of one? After dinner one evening, I took him back to his hotel and while stopped at a red light, I felt the need to say something. I’m not sure where the words came from other than it’s something I’ve wrestled with myself. I said, “Al, we don’t have to forgive the people who hurt our children, but at some point, we need to let it go.” As I took him to the airport the next day, I again said that we needed to let it go. Al left for home, and I didn’t find out the results of this conversation until several years later.
Al came back to provide the closing presentation for a Stop the Violence Conference on “Forgiveness.” During his speech, he said there was someone in the audience who saved two lives. My reaction was, “Wow, I wonder who that is.” He continued, “Brenda, do you remember the conversation we had several years ago about how hard it is to deal with the anger and the rage that surfaces when someone hurts your child?” He was able to quote the very words from that day. He said, “I remember you said we had to let it go at some point. I was on my way to kill the kid who shot my son. When I got on the flight, I thought about what I planned to do, and those words, and as painful as it was, I changed my mind and decided to go home instead.”
The mystery of human interaction is enigmatic. We have no idea what our words might mean to someone. Encouraging words, the touch of a hand, the sincere, warm, caring smile creates healing places that literally can save lives. I immediately thought of all the people who provide hope continuously and the many lives that are touched and saved by words.
The book Beyond the Abyss is dedicated to the angels whose beautiful voices have been silenced by violence. We celebrate your lives and the love that radiates though your wonderful memories. Many of you I have grown to know and love through the eyes of parents, siblings, and friends that hold these memories dear. Your legacy will live on through the countless things your family and friends will accomplish in your honor. Beyond the Abyss. is about hope, love and finding joy again while encouraging a more peaceful world free of violence and hate.
Contributors
Dr. Dana Austin
Dr. Dana Austin, a Diplomate and Past President of the American Board of Forensic Anthropology, retired as the forensic anthropologist for the Tarrant County Medical Examiner’s District.
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She served in that capacity from 1996 to 2021. Dr. Austin received her double major B.S. in Biochemistry and Anthropology from the University of Maryland at College Park. She received her M.A. and Ph.D. in Physical Anthropology from the University of Florida. Since 1986, she has consulted on cases involving skeletal recovery and analysis with numerous medical examiners and law enforcement agencies.
Paul K. Harral
Paul K. Harral is a retired journalist with extensive experience in wire service, newspaper, magazine, broadcast and on-line news media.
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He is a graduate of Baylor University and served in multiple roles at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram where he was ultimately vice president and editor of the editorial page for the newspaper. While he was an ombudsman of the newspaper, he was involved with a newly formed chapter of Parents of Murdered Children in developing presentations and suggested procedures for the coverage of violent crime involving children.
Dr. Al Valdez
Dr. Valdez is currently the Director of the Public Policy Laboratory and a professor for the School of Social Sciences, at the University of California, Irvine.
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Al’s research and teaching focus has been on street gang formation and membership, both domestically and internationally, the effect of trauma on the developing brain, the neurochemistry of the trauma response, how Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) during adolescent can affect adolescent and adult behaviors and the neuropharmacology of drugs on the brain. He retired after 28 years in criminal justice.
Kelly Willis
Kelly Willis is a founding member and supervisor of Tarrant County Juvenile Services’ Victim Assistance Unit, one of the first juvenile probation victim assistance programs in Texas.
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The Victim Assistance Unit was formed in 1996. In addition to direct and court services for crime victims; the Unit instituted Victim Impact Panels, a program where victims of violence shared their stories regarding the impact of crime and violence to juvenile offenders. The Unit also enhanced the department’s Victim-Offender Mediation Program.
“The families who endure these horrible experiences are among the most loving, compassionate, and resilient people in the world—not in spite of their journey, but because of it. In honor of their loved ones, they transform grief into purpose, becoming powerful advocates in the fight against violence. Their courage and dedication help build a safer, more compassionate world for us all.”